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Dog's Reminders to Self: 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table. 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the bed.4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.5. I will not eat the cat's food before they eat it or after they throw it up.6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.7. I will not throw up in the car. 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, elk poop, etc., just because I like the way they smell.9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not food.10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.15. I will not bark each time I hear a doorbell on TV.16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard with them.17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for mom's driver's license and car registration.20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage and walk around with a string hanging out of my butt.22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option after just getting a bath.23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying "Hello."24. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next to their head.25. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet .26. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.27. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.28. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. |
